Pivotal Transitions Coaching and Consulting

Joyful or Judgmental: Which Describes You Best?

2010-11-30T14:25:00.000-08:00

Recently, I was on a leadership retreat, and in a moment of vulnerability a few of us disclosed that it had been years since we could describe our everyday inner life with a sense of ongoing joy. It wasn't that life was bad; in fact it was good. It wasn't that there was no laughter and good times. There was lots of that. It was just that that inner sense of joy had been missing for a long time. The next morning it hit me that the joy was missing because criticism abounded.

Have you lost your joy and creativity? If so, you may want to take a moment and evaluate if you are being critical and judgmental. You may have fleeting moments of feeling happy or even a night of laughter, but are they short-lived because that inner critic starts chattering again?

Joy and criticism cannot co-exist. Harsh judgment of others and constant criticism are not found in a truly joyful happy person. When you choose to be judgmental and criticize, you turn in your joy card.
Joy or Judgment

Is your leadership style marked by joy or judgment?

Now, you know me well enough to know I am not talking about overlooking things that are blatantly wrong or hurtful. I certainly believe in exercising a critical mind to find error and identify things that are wrong. We should have keen discernment and call out injustice, bad behavior, and falseness.

What I am talking about is letting the power and responsibility of leadership morph into thinking that you are godlike, that your way is the way the world and others should operate, and that everyone else is an idiot and just don't "get it."

When you set yourself up as the one who knows best, well, that may be fine for a while but it's ultimately lonely. You will not find joy in that self-protected state, and you certainly won't bring joy… to anyone!

Your greatest strength of being uber smart, driven, and visionary, may tempt you to use that talent to judge others and hold them in contempt for not living up to your standard. (What if you could turn that incredible talent into a tool to lead with confidence and find joy in watching others operate in their unique gifts as you guide them to places they never dreamed?)
Joy Energizes; Guilt Drags

Secure and confident people have a radiant, contagious peace and calmness that allows them to find joy in the journey without a constant need to judge for their own sense of self. Insecure people judge others, so that they can find a moment of relief from their inner critic.

Unfortunately, those who criticize themselves will in turn criticize others. Why? They have no joy to give, no vitality, no greatness because nothing is ever good enough.

Some people see that relentless "never-good-enough" attitude as their reason for success. That is a lie. I believe you can have a healthy contentment and joy that actually creates more energy and vision to lead forward. Joy energizes a purpose and vision that pulls you forward into what you were created to be and do. In contrast, guilt drags you along with a ball and chain, telling you you're still not quite good enough yet.

Instead of beating yourself and others up with guilt and judgment to follow you, you can lead with joy, which comes from a confidence and curiosity of what's ahead.
S.T.O.P. Your Inner Critic

I invite you to an honest evaluation of your leadership style that starts in your inner person. Stop justifying your cynical, critical spirit. Swap it with joy. The negative inner critic does not provide a good return on your energy. It makes you look small and insecure. You have so much to offer. Don't settle for this! Say to yourself, "It's not worth turning in my joy card."

When you start talking or thinking in a judgmental way of yourself or of others, remember to S.T.O.P.!

Your time to live!

2010-07-18T21:30:00.001-07:00

You were born to make a difference. Now is when you can.

For a long time you have wanted to move beyond the troubles and shortcomings that have been hounding you. Now you can take action and begin to do just that.

Now is when you can create new and lasting value for your world, for yourself and for those around you. Now is when you can transform your most deeply held dreams and values from vision into reality.

Now is when you can make decisions and take action. Now is when you have the ability to get whatever results you set out to achieve.

On this day, in this moment, you can learn from the mistakes of the past and make the positive changes that will take you to where you most would like to be. Now is your chance to put all you have to its highest and best use.

Now is when your future begins, and now is when you can do something about it. This is the moment, this is the day, and now is your time to live.

-- Ralph Marston

Change...where does it start?

2010-06-25T11:17:00.000-07:00

"When we see the need for deep change, we usually see it as something that needs to take place in someone else. In our roles of authority, such as parent, teacher, or boss, we are particularly quick to direct others to change. Such directives often fail, and we respond to the resistance by increasing our efforts. The power struggle that follows seldom results in change or brings about excellence. One of the most important insights about the need to bring about deep change in others has to do with where deep change actually starts."
— Robert E. Quinn

It’s never too late… or too soon to step up to leadership

2010-06-17T20:58:00.000-07:00

Leadership is knowing who you are, and staying on course.

It is knowing that when you found you were off course, you were able to correct your direction and get back on track.

After reaching your goal, it is pausing long enough to celebrate your success before going on to the next challenge. It is passing it on to those who carry on after you.

There is no satisfaction in your professional life that can compare to this sense of fulfillment. No individual achievement can equal the pleasure of leading a group of people to achieve a worthy goal. When you cross the finish line together, all the pain and suffering you have experienced, vanishes. It is replaced by a deep inner satisfaction-- that you made a difference.

Countless numbers of people will benefit from your efforts. They will pass on your legacy to those who come along behind, because at the end of the day, the only thing you take with you is what you leave behind.

You cannot find achievement by observing leaders from the sidelines, or by being a brilliant observer from the press box high above. You have no choice but to get in there and get your faced marred by dust, sweat and blood.

That, is what life and leadership is all about.

Are you prepared to enter that arena?To dare greatly, to know the great enthusiasms and the great devotions?

If you are, in the end, you will also know the triumph of high achievement.

It’s never too late… or too soon to step up to leadership.

--Bill George, True North

What sacrifice stands between you and your dream?

2010-06-03T15:31:00.000-07:00

You are entitled to the dreams for which you are willing to sacrifice.
What sacrifice stands between you and your dream?

We dream our dreams. Some we make reality. Other dreams fade and are
forgotten. Some dreams give energy, and some take it away. Some take us to
places we never imagined, for better or worse. If we focus too much on our
dreams, we don't notice the beauty and mystery that surrounds us right
now. But a beautiful dream accomplished is a deeply satisfying thing.

Your power comes from pouring your heart and soul into a worthwhile
endeavor. Your power comes from your downtime, your reflective time. The
ultimate is to gain your power from love, and to keep full of love during
the setbacks. There will be setbacks, no matter what path you walk.

To get a lot out of life, you need to be courageous. To be a courageous
person, you need to believe in yourself. --anynomous

In Praise of Followers= we should all consider

2010-05-23T14:07:00.000-07:00

I would definitely recommend reading the HBR article: In Praise of Followers.

Powerful Questions to Consider:

2010-05-21T20:16:00.000-07:00

What do you want?
What’s the real challenge in your life?
How are you responsible the choices you have made?
What are you afraid of?
What do you know to be true?
What do you notice in that needs to change?
What’s the rebellious, unexpected thing to do?
If you knew you could not fail, what would you do?
How are you getting in your own way?
What’s becoming clear?
What change do you need to make in order to move forward?

Pivotal Transitions is back blogging!

2010-05-20T18:42:00.000-07:00

After a long hiatus, Pivotal Transitions is back blogging. Watch for a renewed effort of communication!

Personal Leadership... what is it and how does it apply to me?

2007-10-23T21:38:00.000-07:00

Personal leadership is the desire of an individual to take charge of his or her own life. Personal leaders realize that leadership is not a position or title, but an outlook on life and their role in the world. The best way to describe personal leadership is to discuss some of its desired traits. Like most things worth having, these do not come easily to a person. On the other hand, living a philosophy of personal leadership does not require a magical formula. Nor is it available to only a few. It is actually available to most but what it requires is a commitment to balance, a sense of purpose and values. If personal leadership had a motto it would be this, “Before I seek to change or motivate others I must first learn to change and motivate myself. I must first become the change I wish to see in others.”

Personal leaders have a game plan for their life. Call it what you will…personal mission statement, life strategic plan, setting of goals or a personal punch list…it is all about giving your life direction or establishing a clear path. Unfortunately, most people live their lives like a raft floating in the ocean. They bob up and down, left and right, over and under, depending on the tempest of the sea. They become victims of circumstances and allow time to make decisions they are unwilling to make for themselves. Personal leaders, however, are absolutely convinced they have a great degree of control over their own outcomes and circumstances. They are not about to leave their future in the hands of “time and chance.”

The sea change they look forward to is the one that occurs when they have learned something new and decide to now make it a part of their life. Just like an athlete needs a game plan to excel, so does a personal leader. A mental break-through comes when we take the vague ideas and goals rolling around in our head and put them on paper as a personal mission statement! When done correctly and reviewed often it has the potential to magnify our focus and increase our desire for achievement at a higher level.